11.06.09
The Many Faces of Dementia
I realize how long it’s been since I’ve written here. Things have changed so much, I don’t know where to start. So….Mama is in her new place…a dementia care wing of a large, “luxury assisted living” place in Nashville. It’s true that her wing is quite different from the rest of the building….and I get that it’s probably just the way it has to be. When Mama has a visitor, they can take her downstairs to the main dining room, and she definitely notices the difference. I tell her that her area is for people with bad eyesight….smaller, easier to get around….and she accepts that.
I wish I understood the different aspects of dementia. When I’ve done programs there for Mama and her group, I look at their faces and see SUCH different things going on behind them. Mama is still very much alive in there…..and others appear to be “not at home”. There are a couple of people who wander and want to escape, so we were warned about keeping the doors to the (locked) wing open for too long. Mama isn’t one of those. She doesn’t have any of the symptoms we saw in my husband’s ex wife Judy, who had early onset Alzheimer’s. It would appear that she simply has NO short term memory. None…..which makes life very interesting and frustrating for the sufferer and those around her….unless they are trained in how to deal with it. These folks are, which means, I’m no longer getting calls several times a week ….”Karen…your Mom is freaking out, we don’t know what to do, you have to come over”. They know exactly what to do, and they help her to calm down.
Since we took the phone out of her room (turns out nobody has one in their room there), my life is much, much calmer too. I can call her on the main phone there, and she calls me every couple of days most weeks….sometimes a couple of times a day….but no more 5:00am calls or 50 calls a day. The more I think about it, I truly have a MUCH better quality of life now.
So….it’s not Abe’s Garden, true….and nobody is doing any research there to help keep ME out of there in 20 years…..AND, I’m grateful to have found this place…..and still doing whatever I can to help get Abe’s Garden built.
My best to all of you going through this with your loved one…..take care of yourselves.
xxxx Karen