06.28.09
Mind Trips
Mama is taking some very interesting trips in her mind lately….I wrote about the anesthesia-induced ones…then she had some pretty clear days…but lately….
The other day she was over here, we had lunch, she went to her favorite chair in my den, and started cat-napping. 30 minutes later, she woke up, and just KNEW she had been on a train trip to Dallas. We had some very interesting discussions about it (over and over and over again)….and I told her that in MY reality….she had been napping, but that in HER reality, I didn’t doubt at all that she had been on this trip. I mentioned time travel, I mentioned alternate realities….and I’m not really kidding. Who’s to say that MY reality is the “correct” one, and that her’s is the “demented” one? It was VERY real to her.
Yesterday’s trips weren’t so much fun. She has her lunch, and oohed and aahed over the lox and bagels, then sat in her napping chair, and then the weirdness started.
I was really tired….so I suggested that we BOTH take a nap…..and every time I was just about asleep, or maybe had just fallen asleep, she blurted out a comment….”are you going to be able to get us back to where we came from?” …..”uh….yes”…..OK, then she seemed to calm down….until
45 seconds later….”is Auntie Faye going to know where to go, to be with us?”….oy vey…Auntie Faye who’s been dead for 30 years?…..”uh….yes” “are you SURE???”…..”uh…..yes, I’m sure”….
“and WHO ARE YOU???” She actually said that to me. I was stunned. I mean, I write about this, I talk about it, I comfort others who are there, or have been there….but MY Mama has ALWAYS known who I was….she’s ALWAYS known my PHONE NUMBER, for heaven’s sake……I am HER PERSON….she relies on me…..she LIVES for my calls, for my visits…..”WHO ARE YOU”???? Holy Crap.
I realize that I haven’t been getting those calls for a few days. None. I just called her a few minutes ago, it’s 9am already…..and she did her normal “Karen….thank GOD I’m talking to you….I don’t know where I am…or why I’m here” thing….but I realize that SHE hasn’t called me in days.
There was a time when I would have sworn the happiest day of my life would be when she forgot my phone number. Now, I’m not so sure.
My brother the doctor will be in town next week….I’m off to FL to work for 10 days (with a few days off in between). I have asked that he and my sister go and look at the “next step” facilities that are available for her. Don’t know if that will happen. Don’t know if it SHOULD happen….cause in truth, I AM her person….and will be, even when she doesn’t have a clue who in the world I am.
I’ve been calling myself her “cruise director” for years now….in charge of finding her visitors, sitters, companions, doctors, etc. etc. I see that I am not equipped to handle this job for much longer.
WANTED: NEW CRUISE DIRECTOR….OF THE HEAVENLY VARIETY….please make sure that her “mind trips” are peaceful, happy trips….ones where she is surrounded by loved ones, and laughter.