06.04.09
There’s a change in the air
I talk about change….I write about change….I sing about change….”Life’s about changing, nothing ever stays the same….” a line from my Grammy-nominated song. Wow. I’m so smart…so insightful. Wouldn’t you think that the person who wrote that would know it was coming? That she would be accepting?
Wrong. I guess I thought that Mama would always be right down the street in her assisted living apartment, and we wouldn’t have to go through the gut-wrenching move thing ever again. But I can feel it……she’s starting to be “too much trouble” over there….the other residents hate it when somebody starts to show their dementia too much…..you can almost see them backing away….as if it were contagious. And the nurses and aides….as sweet and wonderful as they are….I know that they’re spending a LOT more time calming my Mama down….helping her out….than they spend with the other residents. At some point….it’s going to be time for a change. And I hate it. And I’m scared.
I’ve started making the calls….I think the “memory unit” connected to where she lives now is nothing more than a lock box tacked onto the end of the building. I don’t think they have a clue. There’s another place way across town…about 45 minutes from me….where they DO have a clue…and it’s expensive, and I’m worried about how long her money is going to last, and they don’t take Medicaid.
Dear God. This is really heavy stuff, and I can’t believe that I am having to deal with it all…I’m the freaking BABY of the family. Some baby. Why isn’t my older brother, the wise psychiatrist, dealing with this? Oh yeah…..my Mom and Dad went to live with him in New Mexico about 10 years ago and it lasted 8 months. oops. Where’s my older sister? Across town….oddly enough, very close to the new place where she might go. Wonder if she’ll visit more than the once a month she now shows up. Also very close to my niece who hasn’t seen Mama in 3 years, because “I’m selfish”. OK…back to my “Forgiveness” work. I know everybody’s doing the best that they can, blah blah blah. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”….there needs to be a SPECIAL prayer for those of us dealing with dementia and Alzheimer’s. “God…keep me sane in the midst of this seeming insanity”…not bad for a start.