08.26.09
Posted in Alzheimer's at 3:27 am by Karen
Things have changed pretty drastically in the last few weeks. My Mom calls out for HER Mama, a lot….she doesn’t realize that she’s doing it. “Mama….Mama”….I’ll say something about it, and she looks so surprised that I heard her. My Mama’s Mama died when my Mom was 12….she’s now 94. Wow. I guess we never stop needing our Mama’s. I wish MY Mama, My old Mama, the strong and amazing, fix anything, take on any problem Molly Berke…I wish SHE was around to help me care for this frail, terrified, demented old woman who has taken up residence in my Mama’s body.
We’ve begun the search for a memory care facility. I so wanted her to last at assisted living until Abe’s Garden was built. It’s not going to happen. It’s really very unfair to have her living there. It’s like leaving a 5 year old in an apartment by themselves.
“Good luck honey! Hope you make it!” She is a total mess unless she’s with somebody…and she’s alone a lot over there.
So…here we go. Next phase. God help me choose the right place…and help me get some songs cut so I can keep her IN the right place!
Life is not easy. Makes me want to call out for help….”Mama….Mama”
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08.11.09
Posted in Alzheimer's at 3:50 pm by Karen
Wow. It’s been an interesting few weeks. Something is definitely going on..and I don’t know if it’s little mini strokes, or just the natural progression of the disease. I had Mama over the other day…she was doing this new thing she does, where she uses the wrong word for something….some every day thing. “What are you looking for Karen?” “A hangar” “Well….here”..and she reaches in her pocket and pulls out her keys. Woah. That’s happening more and more. After I took her back to her apartment, and made her promise she would NOT put on her pajamas and go to sleep (it was 2:30)…I went to a business meeting. She called me in a complete panic. “Karen…you MUST come over here…NOW!” “Mama….I saw you for hours this morning…I just took you back there” “If you don’t come over, then I’m just FINISHED!” I had to do some “tough love”, and it was just awful. Stuff like…”do you want me to have NO career? NO life? Then you have to pull yourself together!” She said,
“you’re right”..but then went on to melt down further to the point that the nurse called for help. My friend Merri was able to go by and calm her down, after a couple of phone calls by me, reassuring her that yes, I DID, indeed know where she lives and how to find her. I was ready to cancel a trip out of town this weekend to find her a memory care place to move into. I called yesterday morning, scared to death about who was going to answer. Which Mama would be there today? It was the one I’ve known forever. “Karen, I can’t talk to you now…I have some friends in here (the nurses aides) and I’m getting ready to go down to breakfast”. Praise God.
My trip is back on.
I think. Of course….I haven’t made
“the call” yet this morning.
I’m thinking the Serenity Prayer was actually written by the child of a dementia afflicted parent and not a recovering addict.
Talk about “the things I CANNOT change”!
So…I’ll be putting on my big-girl panties here shortly, and discovering WHICH Molly Berke awaits me today.
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