01.14.09
Posted in Alzheimer's at 3:55 pm by Karen
Mama has been having trouble getting in and out of my car for the last month…..and getting up the 5 steps to my house. Her knees have been hurting every time she stands up from a chair…..really hurting. For a few weeks, I atributed this to the fact that she’s 93….I mean, come on…..MY knees hurt quite often and I’m ….well, I’m NOT 93! Then it occured to me that there is a physical therapy department IN her building…albeit on “the other side”, where the rehab and nursing care wing is. I began the loooooong process of calling her doctor, getting an order sent, checking out her insurance, signing papers, and FINALLY yesterday, she had her first apppointment.
The P.T. spent 5 minutes with her, (I had to answer all of the questions cause Mama was confused about why we were there), and then asked….”Well, doesn’t she get SHOTS in her knees?” SHOTS in her knees??? She can get shots in her knees? “Oh yes, ALL of these people (she points to the 25 old folks who were in there being therapized) get shots in their knees!” and she looks at me like I’m the stupidest person on earth for not knowing this.
I’ve been taking Mama for shots in her SPINE for several years….to address the pains she has in her hips and back. WHY didn’t I know about shots in the knees? How come nobody ever TOLD me?? How come I never asked?
We’re going up to the Bone and Joint clinic this afternoon, after I do my voice lesson and a three-hour writing session, to get SHOTS in her KNEES. It’s supposed to alleviate the pain in an INSTANT!
I’m doing the best I can, trying to balance a career and being Mama’s main person….but between you and me, I’m feeling like a monster for letting her suffer for a month. Perhaps a can get a shot in my HEAD to ease up on the guilt.
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01.11.09
Posted in Alzheimer's at 6:33 pm by Karen
It’s Sunday, January 11. I chose to answer this morning’s call from Mama, and I’m so happy that I did. I was able to clear up some massive confusion that was going on in her head. Mama and I went out to visit Ray, my brother-in-law, on Friday. He had a bad motercycle accident a few days ago. So, Mama’s call went like this….”Karen….how do I get in touch with Aunt Rose and Uncle Nate? “ Oops….they’ve both been dead for many, many years. “I’ve been up all night worrying about them….Uncle Nate had a bad motercycle accident and how is Rosie going to pay the bills? I have to help her, but I don’t know how to find them” Wow. After I got over the initial absurd picture of my Uncle Nate on a motercycle…..I gently told her that they had both been gone from THIS side for a long time, and so they were both fine, and didn’t need any help. She then said…”Oh my God, it must have been a DREAM! Could it have been a dream? It was so very real.”
So we talked about dreams, and visiting Ray, and how that must have snuck into her dream. She felt better.
I wish I had a way of knowing in advance if the morning call was going to be one like this…one where I can be helpful….or if it’s going to be one where she’s panic stricken and begging me to come over. Those mornings are handled best by the nurses and aides who work there, and who come in every morning to help her get going….and then I don’t carry around that image of my precious Mama all day…not to mention the guilt, etc. It never fails that by 9:00 she’s chipper and relatively happy, and has NO recollection of talking to me yet.
I need a crystal ball…..badly.
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01.08.09
Posted in Alzheimer's/Dementia Diary at 4:26 am by Karen
So….yesterday, Mama called me EARLY in the morning. She was very upset. “Karen…I have no socks. You have to help me. Go buy me some socks. Please. I beg of you.” Well…I knew that she had two drawers FULL of socks, but I thought, what would it hurt…I’ll buy some white socks…all the same….I’ll get rid of the two drawers of old socks. I called Wal Mart, and they were open! I went, I felt, I pondered, I bought some nice white, soft socks. 10 pair. And then, just to be safe, I bought a different kind….a package of 6. I will be set now! If she doesn’t like the feel or fit of one kind, I’ll have the other!
I got over there….noticed that her toenails were rather long….I clipped and filed. Then, I opened package number one. On go the socks. They felt fine. Then, we try on her shoes…..the only pair she will wear now, although she has many, many pair in her closet. “They’re way too tight!” And they were rather snug. Well…maybe you should be wearing the knee high nylons that you always used to wear. (She has a drawer full of those, too) We try on the nylons, then the shoes….”Oh yes…this is perfect!” While she went to the bathroom, I grabbed two plastic bags and stuffed all of the old socks into them, and smuggled them out of the apartment. (She can’t stand to part with any of her “stuff”). Back to Wal Mart to return the socks. Back to my house with two full bags of socks for Goodwill.
Today, I go over to see Mama, and I notice….she has on a pair of old, grey SOCKS with her tennis shoes. “UH, Mama….why do you have on socks instead of your knee high hose?” “OH, I always wear socks….but I don’t have enough….will you buy me some?”
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! This is an absolutely frustrating disease.
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